tuesday mornings are spent with the sweetest group of moms that i have ever met. our church has a bible study focused on encouraging moms in their walk with Jesus. we are doing a study on how to be beautiful offerings to God. it has been good...humbling, encouraging, good.
as we were spending some time discussing the study this morning, i had one of those moments where God lets you open your eyes for a moment and you simply go "a-ha". we were talking about the things that we have counted on in ourselves--our roles as wife and mom to be the core of our identity, letting our goals define us, having our job define our value, depending on our skills to give us worth... and then tears flowed as we talked about when those things have been taken away in our lives. when those things that we were depending on disappear, then what?
here was my "a-ha"...
oh, how quickly i depend on things other than God. i find value in my view that i am a pretty decent wife and mom. i have things that i consider noble that i want to do with my life and i think that those things give me some kind of worth. i want to use my skills and be recognized and valued for my contribution to my church and community. what happens when God takes all that away?
wait for it...
i depend on Him.
(i know this probably is a "duh" thing...but it felt very new to me this morning.)
does God tenderly (and sometimes dramatically) take things away from us or put us in circumstances that we cannot depend on ourselves simply so we can depend on Him?
why would He do that?
i think of how i would do anything for my boys. i would sacrifice anything to help them grow up into the men they are to be. i want to give them gifts lavishly just because i love them, but i do not want to spoil them to the point that they do not understand the point of the gifts. i want them to be strong enough to handle difficulties that life will throw at them, so instead of rushing in to shield them from all consequence, i do let them deal with the blows that life throws them--whether those blows were due to consequence from their choices or if it is just the difficulties that seem to come with life... i am there to hug and dry tears and remind them that they are loved no matter what. in all situations. in all circumstances. i simply love them like crazy.
is that what God is trying to tell each one of us? is He simply helping us to depend on Him?sometimes, the only way He can tell us is by taking the distractions that we have created out of the picture.
He loves us like crazy...and wants us to trust Him and Him alone.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Friday, October 22, 2010
chasing my tail
my dog makes me laugh. he loves socks and cleaning out the peanut butter jar. he loves to play fetch but doesn't like to give the ball to you. he is highly affectionate, yet has a hard time just being still sometimes. and he can run like a madman in the backyard and in the 'loop' in our home. and when he is really bored, he'll chew on his foot and work to chase his tail until he can finally catch up to it.
as you well know if you have read a few of my posts, i am in the midst of the job hunt. oh, what a journey it has been. i have searched and applied. interviewed and received plenty of rejection. i studied and completed my degree, hoping that it would open many more doors in the pursuit. applied and interviewed some more. i have a very hopeful prospect, but here is where i feel as though i am chasing my tail, just like my dog: now, it does not matter that my degree is in the right field. i need very specific credit hours--a very specific number of them with a very specific GPA. and the amazing thing...this is an entry-level job. i am trying to remain optimistic and present myself well, sharing the oodles of applicable experiences that i have out in the real world, but deep down...i feel like i am chasing my tail. i am not sure what i am going to do if i actually catch it.
i think i shall curl up on my loveseat, just like my dog, right now.
as you well know if you have read a few of my posts, i am in the midst of the job hunt. oh, what a journey it has been. i have searched and applied. interviewed and received plenty of rejection. i studied and completed my degree, hoping that it would open many more doors in the pursuit. applied and interviewed some more. i have a very hopeful prospect, but here is where i feel as though i am chasing my tail, just like my dog: now, it does not matter that my degree is in the right field. i need very specific credit hours--a very specific number of them with a very specific GPA. and the amazing thing...this is an entry-level job. i am trying to remain optimistic and present myself well, sharing the oodles of applicable experiences that i have out in the real world, but deep down...i feel like i am chasing my tail. i am not sure what i am going to do if i actually catch it.
i think i shall curl up on my loveseat, just like my dog, right now.
Monday, October 18, 2010
an inconvenient hacking
as i was walking away from dropping my youngest off at school this morning, i had a call from my hubby. (an unusual time for him to call) i answered the phone with a "what's up?". he hesitated and i began to freak. was he in a car accident? are things okay at work? do you still have a job? did he get a call from family and he is sharing difficult news? ??? i was genuinely worried.
(insert continued dramatic pause here)
...then he shared with me that both his yahoo and facebook accounts were hacked. whoever the hacker is did a great job as they tweaked e-mail address and account settings and made it impossible for him to access account information. then shortly after i posted about the hack on my facebook page, calls and e-mails started coming in. the hacker (who i really need to come up with a nickname for...he has been the topic of conversation all morning here and i feel we may be spending more time together than i would like) sent out an e-mail under the hubby's name that we were in london, we were attacked by a man with a pistol and all our money, id's, cell phones, etc. were taken. we went to the embassy and the police, but they were no help. now, we are trapped at the hotel because they will not let us leave until the bill is paid. could you help us out in our plight?
let us set the hacker straight:
1.) we are at home and did not take any last minute european getaway. it is SO not in our budget. i love to travel, but we have school-age children and i would not be taking them out of school this time of year. and if we were going to take this trip, we would have been telling all of our family and friends immediately because i would never be able to contain my excitement about a trip like that.
2.) we would NEVER contact friends via e-mail to ask for money...even in a situation as bizarre as the hacker suggested. does anyone really do that???
3.) the hacker should not have picked my husband's account to pose as because he notoriously never checks facebook, let alone communicates with everyone via that route. do your homework, hacker!
4.) i had plans for this morning and the hacker completely messed that up.
*sarcastically* thank you, hacker.
instead, i got to go through and verify and change passwords on all of our online accounts. probably good to do this more often than we do, but it is not how i was planning my morning today. i do not appreciate what you have spent your energies on, hacker.
5.) for all the time and energy that this takes for all parties involved--the perpetrator and the perpetrated--YOU COULD BE WORKING AT A REAL JOB!!! you could have made some serious money using real computer skills instead of preying on people with back-alley tricks.
one last thing to the hacker:
i pray that no one falls for your schemes. i know we are not the only account that you hacked. i hope that as you attempt this scheme over and over that you make a mistake that leads to the end of this 'career choice' of yours. i do sincerely hope that you are busted.
(insert continued dramatic pause here)
...then he shared with me that both his yahoo and facebook accounts were hacked. whoever the hacker is did a great job as they tweaked e-mail address and account settings and made it impossible for him to access account information. then shortly after i posted about the hack on my facebook page, calls and e-mails started coming in. the hacker (who i really need to come up with a nickname for...he has been the topic of conversation all morning here and i feel we may be spending more time together than i would like) sent out an e-mail under the hubby's name that we were in london, we were attacked by a man with a pistol and all our money, id's, cell phones, etc. were taken. we went to the embassy and the police, but they were no help. now, we are trapped at the hotel because they will not let us leave until the bill is paid. could you help us out in our plight?
let us set the hacker straight:
1.) we are at home and did not take any last minute european getaway. it is SO not in our budget. i love to travel, but we have school-age children and i would not be taking them out of school this time of year. and if we were going to take this trip, we would have been telling all of our family and friends immediately because i would never be able to contain my excitement about a trip like that.
2.) we would NEVER contact friends via e-mail to ask for money...even in a situation as bizarre as the hacker suggested. does anyone really do that???
3.) the hacker should not have picked my husband's account to pose as because he notoriously never checks facebook, let alone communicates with everyone via that route. do your homework, hacker!
4.) i had plans for this morning and the hacker completely messed that up.
*sarcastically* thank you, hacker.
instead, i got to go through and verify and change passwords on all of our online accounts. probably good to do this more often than we do, but it is not how i was planning my morning today. i do not appreciate what you have spent your energies on, hacker.
5.) for all the time and energy that this takes for all parties involved--the perpetrator and the perpetrated--YOU COULD BE WORKING AT A REAL JOB!!! you could have made some serious money using real computer skills instead of preying on people with back-alley tricks.
one last thing to the hacker:
i pray that no one falls for your schemes. i know we are not the only account that you hacked. i hope that as you attempt this scheme over and over that you make a mistake that leads to the end of this 'career choice' of yours. i do sincerely hope that you are busted.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
to overflow
mercy and grace are something difficult for me to fathom. i feel and experience them daily, but i admit that i do not understand their fullness, their depths. i am pretty sure that i limit the doses of the two in my life because of how i have been feeling about myself...especially lately. what an unwise choice. i am limiting how God can work in my life. to willfully limit or turn away such a lavish gift--wake up, girl!!!
this morning, i was reminded of the grace and mercy that God extended to me. i was teary all morning during our bible study (and i am pretty sure that all the gals there thought i was some hot emotional mess). it moves me to think of the price that God is willing to pay to love and save me, yet how i quickly forget that or mess things up. in our study, we were reminded of how tenderly God loves and cares for us, of the grace and mercy He extends to us and...here is the part that got to me the most: we are to extend that grace and mercy to everyone we meet because we may be the only grace and mercy they experience today. no one needs to be beat down or judged any more than they already have been. God has limitless grace and mercy that we can share with each person we encounter. oh, how i need to live this way more intentionally...how it could change other's lives...and mine.
i have much to learn, on so many levels. i know that God was reminding me this morning that first, i need to receive His grace and mercy...fully. He delights in giving His grace and mercy and i want Him to delight in me. second, i need to extend that grace and mercy to everyone i encounter. Jesus has blessed me and overwhelmed me with His love and grace. that is what should be overflowing from my life.
what a divinely timed reminder in my life...
this morning, i was reminded of the grace and mercy that God extended to me. i was teary all morning during our bible study (and i am pretty sure that all the gals there thought i was some hot emotional mess). it moves me to think of the price that God is willing to pay to love and save me, yet how i quickly forget that or mess things up. in our study, we were reminded of how tenderly God loves and cares for us, of the grace and mercy He extends to us and...here is the part that got to me the most: we are to extend that grace and mercy to everyone we meet because we may be the only grace and mercy they experience today. no one needs to be beat down or judged any more than they already have been. God has limitless grace and mercy that we can share with each person we encounter. oh, how i need to live this way more intentionally...how it could change other's lives...and mine.
i have much to learn, on so many levels. i know that God was reminding me this morning that first, i need to receive His grace and mercy...fully. He delights in giving His grace and mercy and i want Him to delight in me. second, i need to extend that grace and mercy to everyone i encounter. Jesus has blessed me and overwhelmed me with His love and grace. that is what should be overflowing from my life.
what a divinely timed reminder in my life...
2010 in books--part three
it has been a while. sorry. could give a long-winded excuse, but i will not.
here are the books that i have enjoyed while not blogging...
the short second life of bree tanner
by stephanie meyer
in defense of food
by michael pollan
the help
by kathryn stockett
eclipse & breaking dawn (sigh.)
by stephanie meyer
mozart's sister
by nancy moser
just jane
by nancy moser
the martian child
by david gerrold
the postmistress
by sarah blake
undaunted
by zoya phan
rare
by joel sartore
finding nouf
by zoe ferraris
twilight (double sigh.)
by stephanie meyer
half the sky
by nicholas kristof & sheryl wudunn
the wonder of boys
by (sorry...i forgot)
a million miles in a thousand years
by donald miller
here are the books that i have enjoyed while not blogging...
the short second life of bree tanner
by stephanie meyer
in defense of food
by michael pollan
the help
by kathryn stockett
eclipse & breaking dawn (sigh.)
by stephanie meyer
mozart's sister
by nancy moser
just jane
by nancy moser
the martian child
by david gerrold
the postmistress
by sarah blake
undaunted
by zoya phan
rare
by joel sartore
finding nouf
by zoe ferraris
twilight (double sigh.)
by stephanie meyer
half the sky
by nicholas kristof & sheryl wudunn
the wonder of boys
by (sorry...i forgot)
a million miles in a thousand years
by donald miller
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