quiet

i needed some time to myself this afternoon.  i've had all kinds of questions for God over the past months and even years.  i sit here quiet today.  i simply have nothing to say because of who God is.  i may not understand things, i may question things, i may have an opinion on things, but all of that pales with who God is and what He means to me in my life.

i have been reading in the book of job.  i look at all that happened to him.  i see what happened to those who loved him.  i read how his friends tried to explain the situation or comfort him or shift his perspective.  i heard job's rants and you could see how his mind was grappling to get around all that was taking place in his life.  there was yelling back and forth.  there was speculation and attitude.  there was humility and brokenness.  there was confusion and despair.

i kept reading and reading because i wanted to hear what God had to say to job.  as i got to it, it reminded me of one of those movies where you think you know how things are going to end up, but there is some huge twist that leaves you breathless.  i felt that as i read on, not because i was shocked at God's response, but because of what it said to me.

God doesn't have to explain why He is doing what He is doing in our lives.  He is sovereign and knows what is best for each one of us.  if He could give the oceans its boundaries and give life and death to all the creations of this world, He can give and take away...who am i to suppose that i need the 'why' or the 'how'?  God is God and He simply wants us to trust.  good things will happen in life, difficult things will happen in life, but God is still God.

i am quiet because i am in awe of Him.  i fear Him.  i love Him.  and i am quiet before Him.