be still

we are going on week number two of having sickness in some form residing at our home. first it was me with the sinus crud...finally in the end stages. next was my littlest with one of the nastiest coughs i think i have heard. it has a firm grip on him and we just cannot seem to shake it. my eldest is in an on-again-off-again state of illness...so we are just praying that it wraps itself up quickly and is over with.

i don't think any of us enjoys illness. the extra time at home is nice. the wearing of pajamas all day is a nice break. but the actual illness...not so much fun. colin (my littlest) thinks that being sick means that you get to hang at home in your jammies, watch extra tv and play video games. oh, how he has gotten to learn this week that that is not so. he has fought me intensely each day that he does not need rest. he does NOT need rest. and yet, each day as i make him purposefully be still for just five minutes...he falls asleep and naps for a few hours.

looking at him right now, peacefully sleeping on the couch...makes me appreciate these still moments. i love his energy, but i love how peaceful he can be too. i am truly hoping that these still moments help his body heal and that we are running around like crazy again soon...

He saves me

psalm 116:1-6 (msg)

I love God because He listened to me,

listened as I begged for mercy.

He listened so intently

as I laid out my case before him.

Death stared me in the face,

hell was hard on my heels.

Up against it, I didn't know which way to turn;

then I called out to God for help:

"Please, God!" I cried out. "Save my life!"

God is gracious—it is He who makes things right,

our most compassionate God.

God takes the side of the helpless;

when I was at the end of my rope, He saved me.

unlike the psalmist, i am not in a life-threatening situation, but i have been/am in a difficult season. i have been trying every day to talk to Him about it all, but i will not lie, there are days that i have been weary of talking...and hearing and feeling nothing but silence. i know that He is there. i know that He listens and loves and cares. but silence is hard. waiting is hard. being unsure of my direction is hard. not knowing what is going to happen next is hard.

then i read this and am encouraged...He is listening. He will make things right. He is compassionate. He will help me. He has saved me in the grandest of ways and will save me each day. all i simply need to do is to cry out to Him. look to Him. depend on Him. the littlest thing in my life does matter to Him--He listens so intently. and He will answer...

atrophy

poor nourishment. lack of exercise. process of breaking down.

while in the process, one does not necessarily feel all that is taking place. trials and difficulties come, but one would still feel 'okay.' there are easy reasons to explain the weariness, the lack of purpose, the blurry focus. the breakdown is slow, gradual.

and then...

you experience it--life in its fullest. you see and feel and taste and touch and know all that you have been missing out on. and you simply want more. but you realize that it will take so much more work because you are atrophied. you need to rebuild strength and muscle and focus and drive.

step by step. one determined step after another. and eventually, taking a step isn't so hard--it becomes natural again. then, taking steps won't be enough. it will move from atrophied baby steps to hesitant shuffles, to a confident step, to full strides, to running...running freely and laughing. running freely and living life to the fullest because One breathed the very idea into us.

afternoon joy

took my dog for a walk this afternoon around the lake in a local park. he was borderline giddy. (if dogs can be such a thing.) sniffing down a billion different scents, chasing grasshoppers (not enjoying it when he caught one in his mouth), sitting at the shore and taking in it all... i think i enjoyed it about as much as he did.

the power of the commerical

i like yogurt. my kids do not...well...they will eat it when forced upon them under threat of not getting television time or video game time.

then enter: the commerical.

zach and cody are super pumped about their danimals crush cups. my boys can recite the commercial verbatim. i have heard about how good they are, how fun they are, how good they are for you. my youngest has begged me for them each trip to the grocery store. they have told me how much they like yogurt--only danimals yogurt. they have resorted to accusing me of not being a good mom because i have not purchased 'fun' food like that.

then came: the coupon.

there was cheering from the grocery cart today. the day was finally here--coupon in hand--we could FINALLY get the danimals crush cups. colin talked cheerfully all through the store about how he did not want his crush cup for a snack, he was saving it to be a part of his lunch. he was going to eat it all and it was going to be so much fun.

then: lunch.

who needs his favorite peanut butter sandwich when there is the almighty crush cup? i watched as he ate...no, DEVOURED...the few ounces of strawberry banana yogurt. he has NEVER eaten yogurt like that before. he slurped. he licked every corner of that little red container. he smiled all throughout. i smiled inside thinking: why didn't i think of this sooner? let them eat yogurt without a spoon. not in a bowl but in a little plastic cup that they can smash and squish. and the best part...let them slurp.

how can i convince advertisers to make vegetables that fun?

wisdom?

in reflecting on the past months and years, i have been thinking of things that i wish i would have done differently, things that i would have done exactly the same, things i would have done--but would have gone about them in a different manner than i did previously.

is that part of how wisdom is gained?--of learning from previous experiences? i do not know if that is how wisdom comes about or not, but i do know that it will be a life-long and continual process.

lemonade

i have decided to make lemonade today.

i have time to play with my son today without any hurry. i have time to exercise without feeling like it is an obligation crammed in at the end of the day. i am meeting with a friend later today to study the bible and talk and pray. i have had time to call family that i so needed to talk to. the weather is pretty much perfect, so there will be time to just go in the backyard and be. i will make the most of these opportunities and will continue to do so.

using the lemons for something sweeter...