emotions of the moment

torn. puzzled. confused. concerned.

driven. hopeful. yearning.

questioning. searching. praying.

me too

i come from a family that doesn't display emotion often.  we know we are loved and all love each other--it just isn't always said or outwardly spoken very much.

every time i leave my grandparents' house or get ready to end a phone call with them, i say it every time. "i love you, grandma.  i love you, grandpa."  and not once has it ever been said back.  i know they love me.  i don't expect them to say it back.  that's just who they are.

tonight surprised me.  i called my grandma to see how her day was and ended my call like i do every other time. "i love you, grandma."  and my grandma's reply: "me too, kristin.  call again soon."

it doesn't sound like much, but it was huge.  i cried happy tears.

things someone needs to invent

• shoes and sandals that don't reek at the end of summer (colin's feet have that permenant sandal smell, despite frequent washing!  ugh.)
  
• a way to time children's crankiness  (it's been happening as we're headed out the door instead of when there is a little more time at home in the afternoon...)
• haircolor that lasts as long as the time between salon visits
• more play time
• guilt-free chocolate

i'm sure there are many more things to be invented...this is just the start of the list.

feel free to add more!

role reversal

my grandpa was in the hospital for the second time this year and just came home yesterday.  my mom has been helping my grandma out for the past week or so during all of this.  today, we went up to visit and bring a few things up to everyone.

i watched as my mom parents her parents.  i cut my grandpa's hair, as he can't get out to go to the barber anymore.  i saw my mom meet with the home health folks and organize prescriptions and help my grandpa make it to the bathroom.  i'm watching the child become the parent and the parent becoming more like the child.

it is a very natural thing, but not an easy thing to watch or transition through.  i admire my mom incredibly as she is learning her new role and the love that she is showing through her care.  i hope i can care for her and my dad like that when the day comes.

hurts

feeling a little overwhelmed today with the amount of hurt that surrounds us...

upcoming surgery for a friend, saying goodbyes as friends and family leave to college and other new opportunities, someone's pregnancy complications, disappointments and heartaches.

(we won't even go into the social injustices in the world...)

God's been reminding me that He is God through the difficult things, just like He is of all the blessings.  i'm thankful for that.

home vs. _______________

today was the first day of school.  i lingered a little after the drop-off and picture taking to talk to a few moms.  i love them dearly, but i felt so overwhelmed after our conversation.  the focus was on harried details--mulitple pick-up and drop-off times, trying to get their kids into this extra program and that activity.  i decided that i must be totally messing up my boys' future by not signing them up for everything under the sun or maybe i am beyond ignorant thinking that time at home might be as important as one of those activities or i might be incredibly selfish because i want a little time with them because it seems like they will be moving out before i know it.

when i picked carter up, we got home and i just hugged him.  he hugged back.  (seriously.)  i think he was ready to just be home after a busy day.  i'm glad he likes being here and i hope that when he grows up, he'll tell his kids how he loved coming home and tries to instill that into his kids.

better wrap this up...got someplace to be.  (you can't escape all the harried stuff!)

releasing a day's worth

summer is officially about over.  we had our school's open house tonight and that is always a sign of the season's end.

it was fun to catch up with friends we haven't seen for a bit and meet some new ones as well.  it's interesting to see the moms of first time kindergardeners and the seasoned moms who's babies are in their last year at this school.

i sit in awe of how quickly kids grow.  it is a reminder of how we need to release them a little each day--because the act of having to do it all at once would be absolutely heart-breaking.  my fourth grader walked the halls tonight feeling confident, knowing where to go and what to do.  my heart aches just a little for the moment where he gets to start over again in middle school, unsure of where to go and where his friends will be.

i don't want to make my boys grow up any faster than they need to, but i don't want to hold on too tightly that they miss a step in their growing up.  i'll let go just today's worth and hold on to tomorrow's.  tomorrow will be here soon enough.

we got a wii

i am a mom of boys and a very youthful husband.  video games have become an accepted reality in my life.  i used to fight it--begging and pleading that a great book is just as marvelous--but have given in, knowing that i would never win.  time to embrace this very 'boy' activity of gazing at the screen, frantically looking for the hidden level and all the bonus points.

so...we got a wii today.  we've been on a waiting list, but actually found one in stock today.  i had saved for this moment.  we've charged batteries and gotten all the cables connected.  i've made my mii and got to play for about five minutes.  then, the boys descended from above and have taken over.

i have to admit, it's hilarious to watch them work up a sweat boxing and reminding them to step farther away from the tv as they bowl.  and i do like the idea that they are up and moving during this pastime--far better than before where their backsides would be numb from playing a bit too long.

maybe they are converting me...

serious?

costs and bills always go up, don't they?

today, got a statement from the bank that handles our home mortgage--our payment is dropping next month!!!!!  wwwooooooohhhhhoooooo!!!!!

(the difference will cover a tank or two of gas! :) )

i firmly believe in celebrating the little things.

tick tick tick

at times, i wish there was just more time.

sometimes, it would just help with getting all the things that need to get done, done.  job. housework. bills. yardwork.

sometimes, it would just allow more time with the boys.  or time to read. or practice my instrument. or spend some time learning something brand new.

then i stop and think that God gave this amount of time for a reason.  He has a purpose for the moments placed before each one of us.  no wishing for more time will make it happen.  we just have to make the most of what is right here, right now.

gotta go.  there are things to do and be.

they're baaacccckkkk!

i'm so excited for the next few days.  my mom and dad who've been on vacation celebrating their thirty-fifth anniversary are coming to our house today and will be here for a few days.  friends who've been gone on vacation are back tomorrow.  i've been missing everyone terribly--i can't wait to catch up with them!

there is a plan...right?

i have to say that i am feeling a bit overwhelmed today.  maybe overwhelmed isn't the exact word i want to use...maybe it should be more out of balance or frenzied or organized chaos.

today is nathan's birthday (happy birthday honey!!!) and we have done some little things before because today was going to be just too busy.  we're getting ready to have company over for the weekend--where i won't be here because of a work planning retreat, strings camp and swimming lessons are everyday this week for carter--which means i am taxi extraordinare and cheerleader for those events, three of the four of us are fighting head colds, tons of extra things for work this week with getting some basics ready for that retreat and as we are leading into fall kickoff and in the start of new series, my extra part time work has been rewarding, but time consuming in the evenings after the boys are in bed.  wedding to go to friday evening, getting 'welcome home' things in order for friends and family that are both coming back on friday.  we won't even mention cleaning or bills or errands and the stuff that just needs to get done anyway.

i sat at the computer realizing how precious my few minutes was this morning to do my devotional.  if there wasn't the reminder that God has a purpose for all this rush, i think i'd lose my mind or burst out into a teary mess.  thank goodness He has a plan--i'm hanging on to it for dear life!

conquering fears

for my oldest, carter, this summer has been one of conquering fears.

he really did not like dogs.  at. all.  we now not only own one, but he lays on the floor with him (and chewy is the size of a small horse), wants to take care of him and play with him.  so cool to see that growth in him.

he does not like being alone.  at. all.  he's been overcoming that as i've had him 'babysit' his brother for fifteen minutes while i take the dog for a walk, run a short errand...  he LOVES that he is growing up and enjoys that responsibility now.

tonight.  swimming.  this is a big one.  while he was at the babysitter's when he was four, she let him under the water multiple times, despite his protesting and crying.  we have not been able to beat this one, despite numerous patient attempts.  so...tonight, we begin private swimming lessons.  i will be anxious to add a check to:  conquering fear of water.

he's been on quite the adventure this summer.  awesome to watch him confront and grow.

my boys