transition shock

today was a big day in our home. oldest child to middle school. youngest to kindergarten.
dog is confused and will not leave my side while the boys are gone. i was overwhelmed by how quiet our home was this morning and early afternoon. it was bad enough that i even...exercised. by choice.


oldest is at the point where he does not want to be let off too close to school, for fear that someone might realize that his mom drove him there. oh wait--EVERYONE'S mom drives them there. and i was a bit concerned about pick-up, but was delightfully surprised by how he wanted to share every (and i do mean every detail) about the first day in this foreign place. (and secretly, i was thrilled that he wants to talk about it all...i hope we have debriefing sessions like this every day. maybe just focusing on the major highlights and not the exact folders and notebooks he needed to grab between each class and why.)


youngest had his stubborn moments of not wanting to smile for a picture. or wear the shirt that we picked out at the store together. or wear his backpack. (he only wanted to carry it over his head.) but the BEST was him running to me out of the building to give me the best kindergarten hug ever. and when i asked him about his first day, he replied: "it was... ... AWESOME." all the parents around me got a giggle out of his reaction.


so, all in all, it really was a good day. it seems strange to call this 'normal'...both boys gone all day long. and me exercising. i think they are transitioning just fine...it is this mama that is in a state of shock. i think it will get easier day by day...

slacker

yes...i have been a blogging slacker this summer. call it a rest, a desire for quiet and/or reflection, silence...but please don't call it laziness. (i can have a rather fragile self-esteem. :) )
honest confession: i think really, it has been a feeling of that what i have to share doesn't feel all that important or blog-worthy. i know...each day has its' purpose and importance and i truly am grateful for each day. i just don't always feel like sharing all that is going on. especially while i am working through and processing things.


i am in the midst of the job-hunting quest. i have taken steps to try new things and think out of the box. i have faced rejection. i have been in some vulnerable places. i have had surprises come out of left field. and i am waiting. and waiting. and sending follow-up calls and e-mails. and waiting. in fact, i am going insane waiting to hear about the most feasible and exciting prospect right now. i didn't want to blog about how i am going crazy waiting...but here we are...


over the summer, i have traveled some with my family. badlands, black hills, and monuments. jagged rocky mountains and serene lakes. those were definitely some of the high points of my summer. i wish traveling and experiencing new places with my family could be a paying job. Hmmm... (oh, and i absolutely have to mention a family reunion that took place in hordeville. yes, that is the town's name. i am working to relocate the next reunion to a slightly larger town.)


there has been music and serving. sleeping in and coffee. card games and laundry. writing and photographing. running through sprinklers and cleaning up drippy popsicles and ice cream. cooking and trying new foods. (that is a wonderful part of summer.) reading books and searching through websites for job listings. zoo visits. birthdays and anniversaries to celebrate. lots of 'normal' things that have filled the summer days full.


and near the end of this summer break, bittersweet times. my grandpa's journey with cancer and old age came to an end. he passed on my husband's fortieth birthday. i am sad for the loss and what that means to my family, but i am grateful that he is not suffering. i am sure that he is enjoying a cup of coffee in heaven served just the way he always liked it--cream and sugar with some coffee stirred in.
the rest of summer will include visiting my grandma and encouraging her however we can. we will drive there tomorrow and hopefully bring smiles to her face and heart. and then there is the final approach to school. my boys are growing up before my eyes...and they both start on new journeys--one in middle school (pray for him) and one in kindergarten (pray for him too).


so, i have been a blogging slacker, but i have been living life one day at a time. i have been trying to live boldly, taking new steps, taking nothing for granted, and appreciating all the little things that come together each day. i don't mind being called a slacker when it comes to blogging, but i never want to be called that when it comes to living.

2010 in books--part two

i am finished with classes and it is summertime. bring on the reading!

here's the latest since the last listing...

the divine commodity

by skye jethani

the flying carpet of small miracles

by hala jaber

48 days to the work you love

by dan miller

mad church disease

by anne jackson

gorgeously green

by sophie uliano

dear john

by nicholas sparks

water for elephants

by sara gruen

i am nujood, age 10 and divorced

by nujood ali

the career guide for creative and unconventional people

by carol eikleberry

delighted

over the long memorial day weekend, we had the opportunity to travel to the black hills area of south dakota to see my niece baptized. it was a full weekend as i wanted to try to experience as much as possible in the three days we had in such a beautiful area.

on our way there we had the scenic detour of the barren badlands, followed by the required photo shoot at wall drug. (everyone needs their picture taken with an oversized jackalope!) we stopped at storybook island for a picnic supper...i know that this would be one of the last times we would stop there with our children as they are growing up right before my eyes.

there was a baptism and time with family, close and extended. lunch and time at mount rushmore, experiencing a truly american sight. we drove through custer state park on the needles highway--my favorite drive in the area, and stopped at sylvan lake and walked around.

even on the drive headed home, we made sure there was time for the very scenic spearfish canyon and experienced its' three waterfalls. and then we were blessed with the most beautiful clouds the entire drive back to our hometown.

yes, it was beautiful...but there was a moment...while we were driving through the needles, that there was a true whisper from God. i get goosebumps thinking about it. my eyes tear up as i think of who God is and how tender He is to us.

we had been driving for a bit and i made a comment out loud to my family that it was rather different that we hadn't seen hardly any wildlife this trip. yes, we'd seen some deer...but not much more. and then i said, "i want God to just 'wow' us. i want to see some big horn sheep or something." and the drive went along...

and we came around a large curve and slowed down for the truck that was pulled over on the other side of the road. there was a large, majestic lone buffalo grazing right at the side of the curb. i smiled...God let us cross paths with some of the wildlife i was longing to see out in its' natural habitat. and then we drove...

then...oh, then...took another curve and... not only was there one big horn sheep, but seven, SEVEN! gathered right there. right there on the hill by the road! followed on the next curve by deer! and then colin, my youngest, said that we hadn't seen any chipmunks yet and he prayed that we would see chipmunks. and around another curve, we saw a chipmunk scurrying across the road.

as we finished the drive with the sun setting as we reached the hotel, i had to ponder on how tender and generous God is. as the psalmist declared, He longs to delight us.

whoa. i've read that and thought "oh, how nice." but this was real. it was a small thing that i was thinking/asking and God not only provided that encounter with His creation, He went far above and beyond what my expectations were. He not only gave, He gave more than i could imagine. how like God.

i know it's not about asking God for Him to just give us things or experiences. i know that it isn't about me and my wants or desires. it is really about who He is, about His heart, His character, His love. i am overwhelmed. He loves me so much that He would answer the smallest of desires of my heart just to remind me of His love for me.

my eyes water...my heart is full...and i feel loved. He delighted me.

+/-

up and down. positive and i guess, negative.

been a good day is some regards, difficult in others.

accomplished a long awaited goal.

unexpected e-mail that is both a positive thing and a difficult one all at the same time.

wonderful reminders of why parenting can be such a joy...

and reminders of what a difficult job it can be.

i am feeling a bit torn in two.

i want to smile and laugh one of those deep belly laughs that you like to only do in private because of how loud and obnoxious it is.

i want to let some tears out that are born from things in the not-so-distant past.

i really am feeling both extremes at the same time.

and that is...confusing...

neutral?

...

taking a few steps together

we all have a story. we all are on a journey. i know...this is not a revolutionary thought...but it is.

spent some time with an acquaintance that is becoming to be a dear friend. as we were walking and chatting, i began to learn some things about her that i would have never guessed during our previous talks. the conversation was very onion-like as we continued...with each little thing shared and a little more trust established, more personal things came out...one layer at a time.

i think God knew i needed a conversation like this today...the opportunity to see that we all have struggles, luggage from the past...but that we all are on a journey where He is restoring us, teaching us, shaping us, challenging us, growing us...and He has us on the journey together. we can help each other up when we fall down, we can encourage one another if we are slowing down or lagging behind, we can celebrate victories together...

i walked a few steps with a friend today. i am grateful for what God has done and continues to do in her life. i am grateful that those few steps encouraged me in my walk today...

proud mama

last night my eldest had a performance with a strings group he was selected to be a part of. as parents, it was a sweet evening--to see that all the driving around and extra lessons and lecturing at home that "yes...you HAVE to practice today" moments truly do have a reward. yes, he's learning a discipline that will benefit him his whole life. yes, he's learning an appreciation for the beauty of music. yes, he's meeting new people and learning how to work together. but, the best part was hearing him going to bed and saying "THAT was fun."