it's a 'good thing'

i once had a friend tell me that i was too much like martha stewart. she clarified that everything always looks good on the outside. i'm always pulled together. (i disagreed whole-heartedly with her...i often feel like i'm one giant loose end) that conversation stuck with me...obviously.

been thinking a lot lately about how i've come to God like martha...trying to have everything pulled together. like i've said in a previous post, it's been a tough year. how many times have i come to God saying all the right things, but feeling broken in pieces inside?

much of my world is in the christian community, where honestly, it seems as though we are supposed to have it all pulled together all the time. if you don't, you're not the christian you are supposed to be--Jesus is supposed to have fixed everything in our lives. if you're a mess, you must not be following God or studying the Bible enough or praying enough. over the past year, i've gotten over a lot of that...thinking that i'm supposed to have it pulled together because Jesus is in my life, of living a christian 'image'--free of flaws and doubts.

on the contrary, i'm learning more and more that the brokenness is where growth and wholeness with God are. the more i've cried out to Him in my brokenness and hurt, the more i feel like He's doing a work in me. i'm broken, but He is the one who is pulling things together...making things better. i can cry to Him, i can yell my honest feelings to Him, i can surrender my life to Him.

i'm learning that if i try to pull things together on my own, i will fall a million miles short. when i let God take my broken pieces, He can do miracles and do amazing and good things.