overwhelmed

from the middle of november to the beginning of january is always a bit of a blur to me.

colin's birthday leads right into thanksgiving.
the day after thanksgiving is practically christmas now.
christmas production at church.
school christmas, excuse me, winter holiday, things.
one extended family christmas get-together.
visits to those before christmas that we won't be able to see at christmas.
our immediate family christmas together.
another extended family christmas get-together followed by another the next morning.
a few days to pick up and do laundry and do 'normal' things.
new year's eve and new year's day
which leads right into carter's birthday.
and finally back to school and 'normal' again.

at the moment, it seems like a bit much. it is overwhelming.
looking at the list reminds me of how intentional we have to be to really stop and look at what christmas is truly all about.
looking at the list reminds me of how God put so many things together to truly celebrate and i better not miss that opportunity in the middle of the busyness.

the joy of my youngest son and all that God put into him--his sweet spirit and energy and drive and humor...
taking time to remember all that there is to be thankful for.
the opportunity to serve in a church body and to reach out to others.
a wonderful school that does all kinds of things to encourage our kids in learning and growth.
family and friends that we love and that love us.
a chance for my family to share and give to each other.
A MOMENT TO STOP AND LOOK AT THAT ONE QUIET, UNASSUMING EVENING WHEN GOD ENTERED THE WORLD AS A BABY, KNOWING THAT HE WOULD DIE FOR EACH ONE OF OUR SINS BECAUSE HE LOVES US SO MUCH.
a fresh start of a new year and all the promise that it holds.
the joy of my oldest son and all that God put into him--his tender heart and his processess and humor...

an overwhelming, but incredible season of life.

not too busy to be thankful

i haven't had the opportunity to blog for a bit.
colin's multiple birthday get-togethers, thanksgiving--multiple get-togethers, suicide shopping the day after thanksgiving, driving to see extended family, work and gearing up for christmas production...

been so busy, yet i have to say that there has been a calm in the middle of it all. strange.
i am so thankful for so many things and to just list them doesn't seem to do things justice.
but i shall begin with a list because i don't know where else to start...

--i'm thankful for a God that loves me in all things, that is in control of all things, that uses all things for His good, that blesses when we least deserve and gives grace despite who we are. because of Him, there are so many things to be thankful for.
--i'm thankful for my family. i have a husband who is my best friend, boys who make me smile every day and night, and my cat...who we could probably say that i'm more thankful for than my husband is of him. i have a mom and dad who have always loved and supported me and will be my cheerleader when i am down and who are phenomenal grandparents to my boys. i have extended family that despite all our quirks come together and can just enjoy being together. i could go on and on about family...
--i'm thankful for dear friends. we have friends that live far away and friends that live 10 minutes from our house that i just couldn't imagine going through life without. they are always there when i've needed someone to laugh with or cry with or complain to or talk things out. i'm SO grateful.
--i think of all the physical needs that God meets in our lives. we have a home and vehicles that get us from here to there, clothes and food and toiletries and what we consider the basics here in america. bills get paid and new 'toys' come and trips are taken. we are so blessed that i am truly humbled. so many go without in this world and i have more than what i know to do with.
--i am thankful that God grants us each gifts and skills and abilities and things in this life that we can pass on to others, that we can make a difference in other people's lives. He never meant for us to live life alone or selflessly and i am grateful

so many things to be thankful for...
glad for the opportunity of thanksgiving to think a little more poingantly about it.
God is good.

i am the

parenting moment--

my almost three-year-old was in a mood. fighting back on whatever--what was chosen for lunch, what movie to watch, naptime...and we won't even go into potty training. i was about up to here with it and in a prime moment when i let colin know we needed to go upstairs because we needed to pick up, he sassed right back.

'no' in a most emphatic tone--with eyebrows furrowed and grumpy eyes.

i told him again and he was even more emphatic with me 'no...i not go...you don't boss me.'

mom lost it. 'we are going upstairs. you DO NOT talk back to me like that--i am the mom.'

his reply (with finger pointed back at me, borderline yelling at me): 'i am the colin'

yes, you are sweetie.
i have to admit, i laughed--then he laughed--and amazingly enough, went upstairs.

sad thing is...when he is about to get into trouble now, he looks at you, gets his pointer finger out and says boldly "i am the colin".

hate to say--makes me smile every time :)

inquiring mind wants to know

why are the holidays so stressful, when they were created to be a time of remembrance, of reflection, a time of just being together?

why do we pretend to be something different than who we are?

why is it so much more difficult to receive help than to give it?

why do some people find one thing beautiful and someone else sees that thing as insignificant?

why does a bad hair day affect our outlook on the whole day?

why do we doubt God when He puts difficulties in our path?

why do we limit God in what He can do in our everyday?

why am i in an inquisitive mood today???

ending or beginning

there will come a time
when you believe
everything is finished.

that will be the beginning.

~louis l'amour

flashback

had a thing at my son's school on tuesday night.
tons of people and some fun things planned for the kids...

i recognized someone's face--
someone that you know you should know their name.
finally got up the guts to say...'is your name amy?'
a smile came across her face...'yes...'
'did you used to live in g.i.?' (my hometown) 'yes...'
and two and two came together.

the last time i saw amy was when i was in elementary school.
we attended the same church growing up
and our moms' names were almost identical,
so we always joked about that.
found out that she has a daughter a grade below carter's
and they just started at this school not that long ago.

we said our 'we'll see you soon--maybe in the line after school' comments and left.

later on, it was strange that the one encounter
brought back all these memories that i really hadn't remembered in years.
the way our ccd rooms smelled,
singing in the children's choir together...
one encounter helped spark a bunch of memories.

funny how that works...i'm wondering, is this an early sign of alzheimer's--
not realizing how much you've forgotten?

perspective

everything has its wonders,
even darkness and silence

~helen keller

need vs. want

my almost three year old made me laugh today.
he's coming down with a cold, so his nose is all junky
and we are wiping it with a tissue about every fifteen seconds.
from all the wiping, it's getting sore and bothering him.

he came to me with a handful of tootsie rolls saying that
he NEEDS the tootsie rolls because his nose hurts.
i asked if he needs them or if he really just wants them.
he said he NEEDS the tootsie rolls because if he's chewing them
his nose won't hurt. (logical...something tasty (and chocolate)
to distract from pain. as a mother, should i be proud that he's
figured this out???)

i let him have one. (he was cute and batting his sweet eyes...)

moments later:
"mommy, i need two tootsie rolls this time,
this side of my nose hurts more."

he's good...very good.

had to laugh

okay...this is how brillant humans are.
cooking one of those freezer pizzas--at the bottom corner:
'cook before serving'

don't forget that!

i need you and you need me

i work at a church. it is something i feel i have been called to as a vocation.
for most of my growing up, i wanted to be a music teacher.
i knew at the core of my being, that was what i was going to be.
then something happened. in college, i had an experience that radically changed my life.
God opened my eyes and i knew i wanted to have a personal relationship the rest of my life with Him.
it changed my plans. it changed my educational direction.
it changed what i thought i wanted to be when i grew up.
i now have church as my vocation and i am grateful.

i've spent the last few weeks pondering over the unique creation of the church.
i'm not referring to organized religion or some cult, but the unique living organism created by a community of believers--people who have asked God to have a personal relationship through the living sacrifice of Jesus Christ.

church is an amazingly complex thing.
simply, it's people coming together under the main thing they have in common--
--Jesus Christ and the love we have for Him because He died for each one of us.
look deeper and you see how God crafted each church/community in infinitely complex ways.

He brought people together--flawed, imperfect people who are growing towards all that He wanted for them to become. He brought young and old, uncivilized and refined, free-spirited thinkers and organizers, creative and analytical and brought them together to change the world by loving one another and living differently than the rest of the world, to live out life as Jesus did when He was here on earth.

the thing i'm learning to appreciate in this community is how God never intended for any one of us to be able to 'do church' on our own. we need each other. God designed it that way. i can't write a sermon to help share Jesus' story with the masses to save my life, but others in my church community can. i am not gifted at making stories from the Bible come to life to the little children, but my church community has people who are passionate and able to make the stories jump right off the pages. for every need, He has brought someone with that exact gift, strength, talent. we need each other!!! in the Bible, God uses the imagry of the body. an eye can't do a hand's job and a foot better not try to do the job of the heart. (what about the appendix? is that one really necessary? i mean, it can be removed and we can survive just fine. hope i'm not the appendix :) )
each one brings a unique contribution that some other part is relying on to help the whole function.
if a part is suppressed or shut down, the whole hurts. it's maimed and not operating at its capacity.
the hand counts on the fingers. the legs need the feet to help them get places. the heart counts on those blood vessels to distribute the reoxgygenated blood to the whole body.
each little part is as important as the next.

it's just a small reminder to me how God put things in me that others need.
God put things in others that i need.
we need each other.

simple lesson

when you learn, teach.
when you get, give.

~maya angelou

my response?

was looking at the book of habakkuk in the old testament. was having a tough time reading through because i was rushing and not looking at the context of things. made myself read again, and then one more time. though this was written in days long ago in situations that i personally can't relate to (national conquest and major violence seen first hand), God has been slowly letting me chew on it...realizing that there are some very pertinent lessons for right now.

first, i decided i would love to have habakkuk as my friend. (would want to come up with a nickname of some sort though--habakkuk doesn't roll off the tongue or type easily) he's bold and he's honest. he readily admits his fears and concerns (with great detail too). he has no problem asking honest questions and asking for a response--why is all this tough stuff happening? don't you see it, God? You can do something about it! he engages in his conversation with great emotion and passion. he cares for what is taking place to him and the world around him. he trusts in a God that is in control of a situation that seems out of control to him, in a situation that appears that God has nothing to do with it.

second, habakkuk gives time for God to talk--even when the answer isn't one that he expected or wanted. i don't know what the real life conversation was like, but here in the text, habakkuk shuts up after his comments and questions and then listens to what God has to say. boy, it's easy to talk--tough to wait and listen.

i think what floors me the most about this passage is two-fold.

there is such an open dialogue between habakkuk and God. questions and answers. feelings and explanations. candid thoughts with loving, honest replies. no feelings or comments were minced or shaded--things were spoken so openly. we can learn from that today--we all can have that type of candor with God. personally, i've learned that when i try to say the right things to God instead of how i really feel or what i really want to ask, i'm disappointed every time. but when i come to God with everything exposed, there is such a tender God there that loves me through--speaking and answering in ways that touch me to the core of who i am. (even though i may have expected God to answer things differently or switch to doing something my way)

i adore habakkuk's response at the end of the passage.
(chapter three, verses seventeen and eighteen)
Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the LORD,
I will be joyful in God my Savior.
God didn't give habakkuk the answer he may have necessarily wanted or circumstances that seemed just in his perspective. but habakkuk's choice was to praise a God that is in control of all things, despite what was going on around him. i love how habakkuk was free to list all the things that weren't going right around him--he was simply showing us that there are all kinds of reasons to doubt God's timing and plan, all kinds of reasons to simply draw inward and cry against a God that would allow such. BUT, there is that last statement:
YET i will rejoice in the Lord, i will be joyful in God my Savior.
in the middle of the difficulties, his response was praise. it was joy (which is so much different than happiness). God is still God despite the difficulties of things around us. He is using those difficulties to shape us to grow more of His character--to be more loving, more kind, more patient, more understanding, more tender, more thoughtful, more forgiving...

i have to ask myself: is this my response? when life is hard and things go differently than i wanted or expected, is my response like habakkuk's? i would like to think so...at least some.

true friends

today, i'm so grateful for my dear friends that take me as i am, that take my family as we are.
tired after a long day, cranky kids that are crashing from their halloween sugar buzz, distracted minds focused on all the to-do's that are piling up around. yet, we sit eating supper and watching a show together--catching up on life in between little ones asking for another cookie, throwing toys back and forth--building each other up while in the tough things of life.
they are a HUGE encouragement and i can't imagine going through life without them.
thank you dear friends!

p.s. the roast was good :)