lemonade

i have decided to make lemonade today.

i have time to play with my son today without any hurry. i have time to exercise without feeling like it is an obligation crammed in at the end of the day. i am meeting with a friend later today to study the bible and talk and pray. i have had time to call family that i so needed to talk to. the weather is pretty much perfect, so there will be time to just go in the backyard and be. i will make the most of these opportunities and will continue to do so.

using the lemons for something sweeter...

aching

i have been aching with a terrible hurt.  chest burning, head clouded, tears streaming.

i have questions that may have no answers.  i have heard things that were good for me to hear, things that hurt me to the core, things that brought me to tears because the time is difficult and yet there is the reminder of how wonderful dear friends are, things that remind me of Where i am to look and put my trust in.  it still aches.

i have been up and down and up and down and up and down and up.  there are no answers at this exact moment other than to look Up, love wholly, and put one foot in front of the other and trust the One who is leading the journey.  i am broken, yet i know that my brokenness reveals Him at work, showing Himself in His glory, showing His unconditional love, showing His grace and mercy, His strength.

if aching brings me to Him, i will ache always.

good friday

good friday is always a day where i am not sure if i should feel ecstatic because of the spiritual significance or in mourning because of the deep cost that Jesus endured on my behalf.  it is a day where i come before God in humility because i realize just a taste of what He was willing to do to have a relationship with me.  i cry because i realize how unworthy i am and how selfless and complete His love is.  i feel so small and insignificant and so loved and adored in the same breath.  

i do not want to go about just as if it is any other day, because the day represents something so profound, life-changing, eternity-changing... i am looking forward to our church service this evening--just to worship a God that loves so completely, so lavishly.  all i can do is bow down and offer all of me back to Him in return.

fresh start

i love spring.  it is a reminder of fresh starts, new beginnings... colors pop from the dullness of winter...new green on weathered branches.  gusty breezes blowing away that stale feeling of being inside too long.  i go outside and cannot help but breathe too deeply.

i love easter week.  (not because of excesses of chocolate available, although that is a perk!)

it is a reminder of the ultimate fresh start--the spiritual one we can have in this life.  it is a reminder of a heavy price Jesus paid for all of humanity for all time and it is a reminder of extravagant love.  the cross is stained with His crimson blood so that we might be made gleaming white. i love that this week gives intentional opportunity to reflect and meditate on Jesus and what He accomplished in this life that changes all of eternity.

i love fresh starts.  i love to breathe it in deeply.

long time, no blog

it has been awhile.  not sure why.  life has been crazy busy, but i have found moments of solitude sprinkled through it all.  i guess i have been pretty selfish with those moments--wanting to study, to read, to listen, to rest.  and honestly, i was unsure if the things of life recently have been blog-worthy...it has been routine busyness and some of the same old, same old.

so why am i saying anything about it today?  not sure.  life's busy.  i need a quiet moment here and there to help with perspective and give me time to think about motives and motivation, values and choices, desires and direction and most importantly, to have a quiet moment to listen attentively to what God has to say...

is this post one of deep value or content?  not necessarily... but just something to say that i am here and that life is going on a day at a time.