speechless

no words today.

just letting some things soak in.

cleaning

i like the feeling of things being clean, but i have to say that i don't particularly enjoy the cleaning process.  (what would martha stewart think???)

it's spring and i've been slowly working my way through the nooks and crannies of our home, recycling what we can, donating clothing and toys and household things, and just getting rid of all the excess that we simply aren't using.  i would so much rather have some one use and enjoy that stuff instead of it sitting unused in corners and drawers and closets.

i love the areas that are done, but at the moment i'm working on my side of the closet.  it's not a pleasant experience.

i've stuffed things in a hurry because i just wanted the rest of the room to be picked up.  some things are neatly folded or hung up, others were falling off the hangers.  some things are dated, some are outgrown. (ugh.)

there are items that i've been holding onto for when i know i will get back to that size again (thinking maybe that pile of clothes will be motivation to lose those pounds) and there is a stack in case i don't ever make it back to that size again.  (i really don't like that pile.)

there are favorite items that are comfortable and worn and there are pieces that just come out just once in a while for special occasions.  there are items that fit just right and some that it takes a little effort (like watching what you eat the days before and feeling like you've been sucking it in to make it look decent).

i'm looking at the boxes to go and a closet that has some new space in it.  strangely, i think there is a spiritual application to it all.  the process of cleaning through our spiritual lives isn't always an easy or pleasant experience.  sometimes we have to remove a bunch of clutter to get to the core of what's in there (or even to see what's in there!).  there are things that are comfortable to us, things that stretch and challenge us, things that just need to be thrown out, things that we could work on just a bit to make it fit beautifully.  it takes work, effort, time, patience, honesty, vision...

maybe my spring cleaning is more than just tidying up the house...

it's been a full and enjoyable weekend.

--we've been a part of a fundraising walk for the city's food bank program for school kids

  (saw some friends and met some other folks too!)

--there was some work on a project in the backyard

--housework

--some errands

--visiting the puppy that will be joining our family in two weeks!

--church

--lunch and a session for church leaders

--a nap, soaking up the sun in the backyard

--quick store run and lots of clean up

--bills :(

--chatting with hubby

--movie

feels like a lot of good things were done and there is the motivation to do more tomorrow.

what shall the week bring?

experimenting on guests

we are having friends over tonight, our weekly thursday tradition.

i've been tired of making the 'standards,' so i hit the web and found something new to make for supper tonight.  oven fried parmesean chicken.  it's supposed to be this garlic-y, fresh parsley, updated version of a classic...we'll see.  make a nice salad for the side and of course, there's garlic bread and we'll call it supper.

nothing like experimenting on guests.

quiet strength

working on appreciating some things right now in life.

the past several months have been a slower season of life.

i have to admit that i miss some of what i used to do.  i miss the involvement level.  i miss the intensity.  i miss the daily reminders of how much i need to let God work through me because others are dependent on Him using me.  i miss the people i interacted with closely for so long.  i miss a lot.

but God is still at work and i think He's using me in different ways.

in quiet moments, you reflect so much more.  you have time to process things and really look at what you believe, feel, know, trust...  you spend more time on 'little' things, like reading a story three times in a row (instead of the normal two) with your son because there is time (and he always likes it when you read it over and over and over!)  you realize that an entirely different strength is born from the quiet moments, a strength that isn't adreneline or simply momentum.  the strength is deep and rooted and grounded.  it's different, it's powerful in a very quiet way.

i struggle, but i think i am learning how to appreciate these times.

maybe that's what God brought all this into my life for:

to realize that He is the strength the works through us, whether it's a busy season or during quiet moments.  He is the One that is always at work, whether we are rushing along in life or whether we are sitting in a garden, enjoying the flowers growing quietly around us.

i'm learning...

happy earth day!

today is a very green day!  turn on the tv, listen to the radio, surf online and you can find all kinds of 'green' opportunities.  i love it!  even if the surge is just for today, hopefully people will stop and listen and consider ways that they can treat the planet just a little better.

we have been slowly working on changing our bad habits, realizing that our 'conveniences' come at a great price.  we've been using reuable shopping bags and using our water filter instead of buying bottled water.  we love to recycle and we are working on reducing and reusing all that comes in and out of our home.

i love that we can all make small steps that can make a difference.  hope you are taking small steps too!

sandwiched

it's been a beautiful spring weekend.  my favorite part has been time in the backyard and catching up with neighbors, helping each other out with projects and little things that we just needed nice weather to get things done.

we are so fortunate that we are sandwiched in between wonderful neighbors.  we live life so differently, but we have our neighborhood in common.  our open backyards have brought us all together--where we've gotten to know each other, where we've laughed together, where we've asked questions and gotten help from one another.

i'm grateful and looking forward to more backyard days and evenings!

i like today

today has been a day to slow things down and not feel guilty about it.

we visited friends, got some errands done, had lunch at school with my oldest today, read books, and looked out the window and watched the world racing by.  there will be other things going on later today, but so far, it has been pretty low key.

i could be doing a ton of other things (like laundry or some other things that are waiting to be done), but it is so good just to slow down and do some things that i've missed doing--like reading some books for sheer enjoyment and watching my youngest sleep.

i like today.

it's raining, it's pouring

april showers are here.  it has been raining and raining and raining.

it's great for all the plants and flowers, but i think it's driving every mom i know crazy!  we have kids that have so much energy that just want to get out and run.  (and it's not working running in circles inside!)  i am in complete shock that nothing has been broken in my living room yet.

guess what the forecast is for tomorrow?  more rain!

struggles

struggle.  the word keeps coming to mind lately.

there have been so many conversations lately about the struggles we are in--

at a distance, i think of the war going on in places far away and the impact it has close to home.

i think of those children that will not survive today because they are struggling with hunger.

i think of the political realm and people striving to come out on top, making promises that they will have to struggle to keep once they are in office.

closely, i think of friends who are working through tough things, loved ones who have decisions to make, kids who are growing, learning lessons and taking new steps each day.  we all can remember how we struggle through growing up.

personally, i think of the struggles i have been journeying through over the past few years and how God proves His faithfulness day by day.  i think of how i struggle to be the kind of woman God wants me to be when my selfishness and desires can get in the way so easily.  i struggle with how life moves so quickly when there are times i just want to slow down and savor small moments.

and then God reminds me of how His Son struggled while He was on this planet for a brief time.  Jesus was perfect, yet struggled.  He grew tired, weary...i'm sure He was impatient a time or two as He tried to explain things to His disciples that they just didn't get.  He questioned.

i don't know why that comforts me, but it does--to know that someone who is perfect struggles too.  makes me feel like i don't have to have it all pulled together.  i can let my struggles be known and can slowly work my way through them, coming out on the other side just a little bit more like Him.

i struggle with the thought of that too, but in a good way.

just thankful

nothing deep or profound--

just thankful for a beautiful day.

it looks like spring today.

it truely feels like spring today.

it even sounds like spring today.

i'm loving it!

better

things are getting better.  apologies were received and accepted.

some good things took place.  some lessons were learned.

i am so glad...i needed to know that things were taking a turn in a positive direction.

to take the ache

(continuing from yesterday's post)

poor kid had a rough start today.  carter and i got to talk in detail this morning about all that happened yesterday and what some possible outcomes in the situation may be depending on how we choose to respond to it all.  we prayed together--asking for forgiveness and the opportunity to strengthen the friendship that may be injured at the moment, for peace in his heart and for knowing that doing the right thing by accepting the consequences for our actions and learning from them will only help us grow.

as i watched him walk up to his class' line at school with his head hung low and fighting back tears, i couldn't help but cry in my car.  i wish i could take the hurt from him and carry it for him.  i wish that he would have make a better choice in that one second.  i wish he would have seen the consequences in advance so it would help him make a better choice in his behavior.  i wish he would have done what he knows is best instead of acting first and thinking about the consequences when he was caught.

and then this feeling washed right over me:  kristin, God feels the exact same thing about you...about each one of us.  He wants to take the hurt, but loves us enough to let us feel the consequences when we make a less than wise choice.  He wants us to do the right thing, yet continues to love us when we don't.  He wants us to grow and learn from all the things in our life.  He wants us to grow to be more like Him and His character.

i am struggling with the hurt my son is feeling.  i can only imagine how God feels as we ache through things in life that we have brought upon ourselves instead of doing things His way.

life lessons

it's been a day.  carter came home from school completely distraught...scared because he had to share with us that he had a think time at school today.  (the second this year.)

words.  words that came out of his mouth got him in trouble.  they were words that hurt and didn't build up.  they were words that were out of context and not his to share.  they were said and two other boys were hurt by them.

as his mom, it breaks my heart because he knows better, because we've had this conversation before (and before).  the words came out without thinking of how they will affect someone else.  an apology letter is written and ready to be delivered tomorrow, but the ache is still there.

i hope this is a lesson that he begins to wrap his mind and heart (and mouth) around.  i pray that God uses this to grow him to be more like Jesus with his words.  through this experience, it is teaching me too.  words are far more powerful than what we think and we have the choice to have them build others up or tear them down.  it is our choice in how we control the words that come out of our mouths--something to not be taken lightly.

if

how many things happen in our life because we chose this over that.  if we choose this, then there is one consequence.  if we choose that, things would take a much different course.

psalm eighty-one is a reminder of that very thing.

God was reminding the nation Israel of how He has responded to them in the past.

"In your distress you called and I rescued you."  then there was a pause...

God reminded them of what He had already done for them and then looked at what they were doing.  they were ignoring both the commands He had given them and how He had responded to them faithfully in the past.  God pleaded with them and reminded them "Hear, O my people, and I will warn you--if you would but listen to me..."  "Open wide your mouth and I will fill it."  God wanted to bless and love, but they made a choice.  they chose to let foreign gods among them.  that choice led to consequences.  the last five verses of the passage, we hear God saying what He wants to do.  He wants to love and fill us with Himself.

reading this is causing me to take a step back from myself and evaluate.  where am i not listening to God speak?  what am i missing out on because i am forgetting who God is and how He wants to respond?  am i letting myself get in the way of what God wants to do in my life?  i am taking this moment to lay at Jesus' feet and ask Him to fill me, to show me His desires for my life.  i know that His way is what is best for me and i only want His best.

intentional

intentional.  on purpose.  write it on the calendar.  consequences if you don't do it.  no-getting-around-it.  a must.

i'm so good about doing some things in life and struggle like crazy with others.  (i'm assuming i'm no different than anyone else on this planet.) 

today has been a day of intentionality.  i've done some things that i just needed to make the effort to do and get it done.  that feels good.  so good that i think i'm going to keep that momentum moving forward.

i'm going to intentionally do it tomorrow too.

to be this excited about everything in life every day!

spring is springing!

today was exactly what i needed!  beautiful sixty-degree weather with the sun shining and big puffy clouds tossed across the sky.  flowers popping up from the ground and birds chirping loudly.

after a week filled with all kinds of 'downers', the reminder of spring was perfect medicine.  new life and opportunites are abounding.  things are fresh with all kinds of possibilites before us.

i needed spring!

overwhelmed

today is kind of an overwhelming kind of day.

overwhelmed by the to-do's at home, by some parenting moments that there are no easy answers to, by the difficult situations that friends are going through, by the amount of people our family knows that are experiencing physical hurt and pain, by all the 'i wish i would have's'...

overwhelmed by God's grace and in my life, by the dear friends that always have just the right thing to say, by smiles from my boys that take my breath away, by all the blessings that surround me...

just overwhelmed.

letting Him do His thing

lots of tough stuff going on lately.  strange thing is, i feel at peace.

even stranger, almost feel guilty about feeling at peace when all this stuff is going on.

guessing it's God at work and i'm letting Him do it instead of getting in the way.

on the road

looking at some of the pictures we took on our trip, i've been reminded of what a winding road our journey of life can be.  we took some incredible mountain drives that climbed the heights of mountains and went all the way down to the valley floors.  there were hairpin turns and long stretches.  there were expansive views and moments where you could only see just yards in front of you because of the clouds meeting the ground beneath us.

how much of life is like that...moments where we can see everything laid out plainly in front of us and other moments where we can barely see the hand in front of our face.  there are times where we are deep in the valley and other times where we are soaring on top of the world.

God puts the valleys and peaks, turns and flat stretches exactly where we need them in life.  sometimes we may not like what we encounter, but God knows the whole journey and will lead us gently, faithfully through it all.

a big oops

things were going pretty good today.  colin's meds are kicking in and helping his cold.  things at work flowed smoothly...that is until i got in my car to back out of the parking lot. :)

the lot was pretty empty--a common thing on tuesday afternoons.  i loaded colin in and chatted as we were getting his seat belt locked in, making plans for the rest of the afternoon.  as i was backing out, he started hacking until it sounded like he was going to throw up.  i turned a bit more to make sure he was okay and...crunch.  i bumped into another car in the lot.

i feel absolutely terrible about it.  there are just a few scratches, but i have this horrible pit in my stomach.  i tried checking at several of the buisnesses in the building, but couldn't find the owner.  i left a note on their windshield and i'm just praying that they will receive my note well and that we can resolve things easily.  there is some damage on my car and i'm not even concerned about that.  i just feel bad marking someone else's property.

i've gotten some things done at home this afternoon, but i keep thinking about my little note under a windshield wiper.  i'm anxiously awaiting five o'clock to see if i will get a phone call.

it was an honest accident, but the guilt feels oh-so-real.  praying that grace and mercy abound.