from the previous post, you know that there has been heartache in my life. the heartache still continues. sadly, things are not better...but in actuality, are worse. (or so it feels at this moment.) phone calls and e-mails have taken place. words have been twisted and rearranged to the point that one has to question what reality is/was. there has been silence and a bit of space. (which i desperately needed because it helps me to pull back and gain perspective and to look at the big picture of the situation) this time has caused me to look back and consider many things about life. here is a small attempt of sharing what i am learning in this moment:
i am grateful for the home i grew up in. i never once doubted that i was loved. i had parents who showed their love in tangible ways and who supported each of their children by letting them become their own unique people. my parents invested themselves into each of our lives in many ways...ways that i did not know or even understand at the time, but i am beginning to understand now. that experience greatly shaped who i am today. i am grateful.
God overwhelms me with His love and goodness. despite my flaws and the countless mistakes i make, He loves me in the most amazing of ways. unconditionally. sacrifically. tenderly. passionately. so much that He wants to help me grow each day...which sometimes means He disciplines and allows consequences so i can learn. when i think of His love for me, i tear up because it is so overwhelming. what a beautiful thing...
i do not understand God and His ways, but that does not mean that i do not trust Him. i really hate all that is going on in my extended family right now and i wish He would just intervene and bring peace. i am trusting Him that even through the heartache, He is at work and has something beautiful planned. i trust that He is going to bring beauty from the ashes...
my family--my husband and two boys--are such blessings to me. life may not always be easy with them (especially as we are foraging new territory with a pre-teen boy who is working through so many things in his life :) ), but i would not want to journey through life without them... they bring so many smiles to my face and heart and remind me of what the most important things in life are. i love them to pieces.
dear friends are a gift from God. i am reminded each day with phone calls and notes and visits and facebook postings what a treasure friendship is. i thank God that His plan included doing life together.
and silence. i have learned much in silence lately. silence is needed. it allows one to truly hear. it helps to sort things out in the chaos. i am learning that i hear God best when i am quiet because He speaks so softly and tenderly. i could surround myself in busyness and people, but i would miss out on so much. i need some silence. (i think we all do.)
until next time...
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