psalm 63

when i'm tired, when i'm weary, when i need some perspective, when i'm confused, when i'm overwhelmed...this is the first passage i turn to. it gives me comfort--this is the passage i was reading when i stopped and gave my life to Jesus. it is always a reminder to me of how despite all that is going on around me and in my life, God is right there--He is powerful and glorious and trustworthy and satisfying. He is there for me to cry out to. He wants me to seek Him fervently and tell Him my deepest secrets and desires. He is my safe place.

this passage spoke to me because the writer was talking about a God that he had a close, personal relationship with--not a distant god or one that didn't care about all that was going on in his life. this God was one worth getting up in the middle of the night for and crying out to. that made it real to me--to see that this God was one that would be there in the middle of my nights, not just on Sunday mornings or in moments of extreme circumstances. this God is there all the time, wanting to listen and love--i just need to go to Him.

i love this passage. God has used it so many times in my life and i can't wait to see what else He will teach through its' words.

PSALM 63
O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land where there is no water.

I have seen you in the sanctuary
and beheld your power and your glory.
Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you.
I will praise you as long as I live,
and in your name I will lift up my hands.
My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods;
with singing lips my mouth will praise you.

On my bed I remember you;
I think of you through the watches of the night.
Because you are my help,
I sing in the shadow of your wings.
My soul clings to you;
your right hand upholds me.

They who seek my life will be destroyed;
they will go down to the depths of the earth.
They will be given over to the sword and become food for jackals.
But the king will rejoice in God;
all who swear by God's name will praise him,
while the mouths of liars will be silenced.

modesty at its finest

nathan and i were looking at a picture of our boys and these words came from his mouth:

'we breed cuteness.'

nice.

of course, when we've had those moments of looking at our boys and being overwhelmed with what a blessing they are, he has shared:

'ahhh....superior genetics.'

we smile because we know better--those cute boys and their personalities, definitely a God thing.

in a fog

not feeling the greatest today--physically.  don't know if i caught whatever the latest bug going around is or what.  just achey, queasy...in a general fog.  glad there's a few moments this afternoon to make a cup of hot tea and just chill before work/rehearsal this evening.

colin is the same way right now too...so we can just snuggle and be in a slight daze together.

if you're not feeling the greatest, nice to do it with someone :)

(i don't like it when my kids are sick...but i am glad he's in a pretty major snuggle mood.)

blogless

lots of thoughts today

just not in the mood to blog them out

that or i have a.d.d. and can't focus enough to get them out

family circle

this weekend was really focused on family.  my cousin is getting married in just a few weeks and it was a shower/party on saturday to celebrate the upcoming occasion.  exciting to see him taking this step in his life and was fun to get to know his bride-to-be.

the shower was a l-o-n-g one, four and a half hours to be exact (and we left early.  we won't mention that the guy party got started at 2:00 and my guys came home at 10:00 PM!)  i am not a big shower game fan and this was the shower game olympics.  mingle games and count the candies in the jar game, jot down your observation games, answer the true/false questions game, how well do you know the bride-to-be trivia game, how many words can you make out of the bride & groom's full names game, and then a blindfolded game and we just won't go there...  i so admired the bride-to-be because she was so incredibly gracious and handled it all well. (even when the video tape in the camera needed to be changed because the first few games took an entire tape)  i really was trying to have a great attitude about it all, but i was definitely maxed out.  i can handle a game or two and will enjoy it, but when you get to the fifth and sixth games, my attitude dwindles...

despite my less than stellar attitude, it was a nice time to catch up with some extended family i hadn't seen in a bit and a great opportunity to get to know a new family member and welcome her into all of our craziness. :)  the wedding is just a few weeks away and we'll get to see everyone again--will be a very happy day.  (and then they are off to fairbanks, alaska--their new home!)

on sunday, we celebrated my brother's birthday--he and my sister-in-law, my mom and dad joined us for carter's basketball and then to eat at olive garden.  he turned the big 3-0, so of course we made them come over and sing their birthday song--he was thrilled.  (about as thrilled when we delivered balloons to his work on friday)

evening was spent just at home, chilling together and getting ready for a new week.

looking back over the weekend, i am reminded of what a blessing family is.  you celebrate together, plan things together, just be together.  i am grateful.

simple words

i ran into one of my son's teachers at a store while running errands.  it was good conversation and reminded me of something--how quickly we forget to say thank you.  this teacher felt unappreciated and at the end.  during our conversation, i just kept thinking about how it is january and when was the last time i sent a note of encouragement?  

i delayed a few days--just busy doing my 'normal' things--but then took just a small amount of time to send e-mails to all of carter's teachers--classroom teacher, principal, expressive arts teachers--nothing fancy, just an e-mail saying how grateful we are and a specific or two about the impact they are having in carter's life.  my goal was just to remind them that what they do--investing in children, specifically my child--makes a difference.

i have been humbled with the e-mails i received in return.  i am reminded of how powerful two simple words are--thank you.

high end decor

we have company coming this weekend so i thought i better get started on some household cleaning.  (funny how it takes company coming over to clean...)  today, my goal was to tackle the clutter and do the quick whole-house pick up, clean the bathroom and get recyclables out.

as i worked through from room to room, i noticed an ongoing theme.  every room had hot wheels--not just one or two, but set up in a race or maybe a pile of them--but every room had some!  living room, kitchen, all three bedrooms, family room, laundry room, and yes, the bathroom too!

some people might say that they like laura ashley or ralph lauren decor...at our house--it's hot wheels.

an afternoon together

no elementary school today.  went to work for a bit and then wanted to do something fun with my boys.  we LOVE the zoo this time of year--so that's what we decided.  light snow, a little cold, but a wonderful trip!

we pray on the way to the zoo each visit, thanking God for His creativity and praying that He'll let us see something we've not seen or experienced before.  we've given 'high fives' to turtles and pet penguins, learn some behind the scenes things from the keepers and felt like we've had the whole place to ourselves.  we visit with great expectations!

we started with lunch at the restaurant at the jungle--carter got us a table right in front of the gibbons--nice!  explored a jungle, walking the bridge over and over since no one else was around us...the boys had a blast!  carter always loves the tapirs, so we spent some time in that area.

then headed to the aquarium--one of my personal favorites.  enjoyed sitting and just taking all the colors and diversity in.  watched a turtle for quite awhile (one of colin's favorites) and tried counting all the jellyfish.

walked in the snow and then right into the desert!  the boys love feeling the red sand in their hands and then trying to see if any of the snakes had lunch lately.  (boys.)  experienced their nocturnal feature--had a snack and then headed outside again.

paced with a white tiger, yawned with a siberian one and then saw a few frozen waterfalls.  headed into gorilla valley where i think we got our little prayer answered this time.  we stayed watching two little gorillas--sisters--play for quite a bit.  the older of the two was definitely showing off--somersaults and hand motions, and i have to say, it thought i saw several smiles.  the littlest was playing with a part of broken branch and then tackling her big sister.  it was just those little gorillas, us and another father and his daughter enjoying this little 'show.'  

colin would say that his favorite was watching the gorilla do somersaults--that it made him giggle.  carter would probably giggle and say 'do you remember seeing the little one poop?'  (boys.)

glad to spend the afternoon with my boys and just enjoy an experience together.

(will add pix later--experiencing technical difficulties :) )

from one of my kids' movies

my favorite part of the day is when you and me become we.

--winnie the pooh

please check your pronunciation

three is one of my favorite ages in kids.  you have actual conversations and their personalities are really beginning to bud.  you never know what is going to come out of their mouths and you really begin to see all that they are absorbing.

colin was sharing a few things with me today that just made me smile-

they are not called 'pickup trucks', they are called 'hiccup trucks'--even though they never get the hiccups.  (we had an extensive dialogue about this)

the rest of us know them as 'peacocks'...those beautifully painted birds that colin loves to look for and chase down at the zoo.  they are 'pea hocks'--and don't try to convince him otherwise!

'three' is to be pronounced 'phree'  and it takes great effort to get all the L's in 'lollipop' out.

club mickey on the disney website is 'mickey club, mickey house'

i'm looking forward to what we're going to talk about tomorrow!

king of the mountain

i love my cat.  i need to clarify that he is definitely my cat--he'll tolerate everyone else, but he loves and abuses me differently than everyone else.  if he's upset, he'll let me know.  if he's in a lovey-dovey kind of mood, he'll let me know that too.  

he's a big cat--not fat really, just big boned.  (really)  he's probably 12-13 pounds and makes my mom's cat look like a large rat.  he's just big.

one of his favorite traits--he must dominate the room.  he likes to play king of the mountain per se.  he has to sit on the back of the couch so he can see everything that takes place.  we have a spot in the hallway that covers four directions--that's where he plops down, so he knows exactly where everyone is.  he is the master of all laundry piles--if there is a clean basket, waiting to be folded--he is there protecting it by sitting on top.  if there are clean clothes folded and laying on our bed to be put away, he's all over that--laying amidst it to make sure it goes no where.  if i am laying down, he must come and lay on top of me--maybe it's affection, but i'm sure it's just to prove his manly dominance and to prove that he truly is king.

he's definitely got a personality all his own...

drive of many questions

on the drive to and from work today, my three year old was nothing but questions and commentary.  the ride went something like this:

is carter at school?  can i go to school?  can i wear blue snowboots?  can i have a snack?  do you see the flag?  i see snow falling, do you see the snow falling?  what's the name of that song?  (listening to the radio and one of his favorites came on...)  can i sing that song?  what letters are in my name?  c-o-l-i-n  how do you spell my name?  where is baby Jesus now?  is it Christmas?  what does that say?  can i play xbox with carter?  am i getting big?  can i call nana on the phone?  where does nana live?  i like juice, can i have some juice?  am i going to work?  can i type on your computer at home?  is it going to snow more?  sparkle snow is super awesome.  is today wednesday or saturday?  do we have to play inside today?  do you like blue?  i like blue...i like orange...i like black...do you like black?  how do you draw a question mark?  can i make a letter x?  can we get carter at school?  can we play games today?  can i have my binky?  do you see that letter s?  what's that spell?  how do you spell shopko?  i found a flag, do you see the truck?  are we at work?  can i do voice mail?  can i watch a movie?  can you help me close this?  i love you.

lessons learned during my brief commute--be careful of your a.d.d. moments and never stop asking questions!

today

not sure what to share today...

not in a funny mood, or in a 'want to cry' mood

not wanting to ponder things too deeply or even wanting to just glaze over things

not sure what to do or what to say

(other than get the mounds of laundry moving in the laundry room

and pick up groceries and the stuff that just has to get done)

i've been talking with God and thinking through some things

read some stories to my little one and had some interesting conversations with him

roamed the house, picked up a book to read--but didn't keep my attention focused long enough

guess it's just a time to 'be'

and enjoy that moment

watching the world go by

we are learning to play with new toys...we went wireless at our house and there is a new kind of freedom that goes with it.

i'm sitting in my living room, looking out the picture window, watching the world go by.  it's a good feeling--not sitting in the basement, missing the sun.  it sounds goofy or simple, but boy, do i enjoy this!

enjoying roaming

grateful for everything

a teary read

i'm a pretty sentimental gal. i love a good read that just makes you feel deeply...
here's a recommended read--children's book--something to read to your children (old and young)

Max Lucado's
The Oak Inside the Acorn

i can never get through it without a kleenex or two.
enjoy and then focus on becoming all that God made you to be.

learning lessons

had an interesting conversation with my nine-year old yesterday.
got home from school. he is always so good about getting homework done asap so he can relax the rest of the evening. one problem this time...the one book he desperately needed was no where to be found. we looked in every pocket of his backpack...drove back to school for him to double-check his desk and by their mailboxes in their classroom. book was nowhere to be found.
by this point, he was in a tear-filled panic--not wanting to disappoint his teacher, feeling bad that he forgot the book, and worried that they might expell him for not turning in his homework. :)

after a few moments of panic and frustration, i sat with him and we thought through all the options.
we thought of what could have happened to the book, of the steps he could take to still make sure his homework got done...and he said in this sweet, honest voice:
"why would Jesus let this happen to me?"

stopped me in my tracks...i was expecting him to be upset at his lack of responsibility, not placing the blame on God. we had a talk about how God loves us so much that He allows us to experience the consequences of our choices (like misplacing a book or the much stupider things we do in life) because He wants us to learn and grow--and it often happens through the choices we make.
carter asked why God doesn't stop us from making bad choices when He could make things right before things ever went wrong. good question without an easy answer other than all God asks is for us to trust Him.

all in all, it was a good conversation and reminder that God is working every day in all the little things. He is providing opportunities to learn and to grow and to trust His guidance--even when we do stupid things.

addendum to list

forgot one thing on my list of things to pick up at the store...
kitty litter

lists

for christmas, carter got a book of lists. made me laugh to give it to him because (sarcastically) he needs just one more list in his room. he writes up lists of toys, cards, things he would like. lists of what hot wheels cars he has, lists of imaginary characters. honestly, i feel a bit sorry for the kid--both my husband and i have different 'list' things about us and carter inherited the full spectrum of both of us, together, all in him.

nathan has his micro detail lists...won't embarrass him here by sharing what all his lists are. most of mine are in my head. i don't really write them down, just keep them all stored in my head. lists of places i would love to see before i die, lists of activities i want my boys to experience, lists of what i need at the store (and what i want at the store too). to do lists and things for work.

thought i'd type a list or two via blog--to get some of it out of my head. declutter...you know, kind of like spring cleaning...

places i haven't seen yet, but want to: great barrier reef, sao paulo, brazil--to meet the little girl we sponsor and to experience her world, bulgaria--would love to go there with our dear friends!, ireland, england, yosemite national park, arches national monument, sand dunes national park, boston in the fall, take a trip to see the lighthouses on the east coast, cape san blas, new york...to name a few

places i've been and can't wait to go back: disney world, the tetons, yellowstone national park, glacier national park, mesa verde, the grand canyon, kansas city (to see my sister and brother in law!)...to name a few

things i want to see my boys experience: victory one step at a time, raw nature, summit a mountain, be mesmerized by the ocean, see the busyness of the big cities of the u.s., see the quietness of untainted land, roller coasters and ball games, the consequences of hard work and discipline, love at its purest, peace at its deepest, joy like only God can give...to name a few

things i want to learn: how to play the guitar, how to write a good story, how to become more of a godly woman and mother, how to make the most of things--even when it's hard or difficult or not what i had in mind, to preserve memories of today for my boys to have later in their life...to name a few

favorite beverage: diet dr. pepper followed by the flavored waters--the weird fruity healthy ones
favorite candy: chocolate, in most forms. esp. symphony bar with toffee chips
favorite snack: chips with salsa (really like hy-vee's organic pineapple salsa)
favorite form of exercise: walking (if super motivated, enjoy a pilates video that i have)
favorite local activities: love taking my boys to the zoo (both in the area)
favorite tv shows: grey's anatomy, survivor (when is that strike going to be over???!!!)
favorite movies: pride & prejudice, count of monte cristo...to name a few
favorite sunday afternoon activity: naptime!
favorite music groups: cary brothers, desperation band, missy higgins...to name a few

what i need from the store:
milk, bread, grated cheese, tortillas, fresh fruit, drinks for carter's lunchbox, healthy snacks for colin since he found the holiday candy stash.

will need to make a mental list of the other lists i could share...

baby's growing up

today, my oldest turns nine. happy birthday, carter!!!

on birthdays, we always tell our kids 'their' story and look back at the baby book and pray for the years yet to come. i have to say, this birthday caught me a bit off-guard. nine isn't milestone like ten--that first double-digit birthday--or sixteen or twenty-one, but this birthday has been a reminder of how quickly my baby is growing up.

things that used to be 'fun' now just 'aren't as cool' and it was the first time where he didn't want to go to chuck e. cheese. (have to say that i won't complain about that one!) i love to shop and find special gifts that say 'i love you' in different ways, but this year, the choices were a little more grown-up than hot wheels and 'little boy' toys.

i'm not complaining or even missing the 'little' moments.
just reflecting on how we blink and things grow and change
and become.

i love seeing carter grow--physically, emotionally, spiritually...
i am so proud of who he is, how he is letting God shape him,
of the things that make carter uniquely him

it just comes with a few tears as i watch him take a step from my little
boy to a growing young man

happy birthday, carter!
love you so much!